Boundaries, Forgiveness and You

I’ve been thinking about boundaries a lot lately. And I realized that boundaries aren’t about keeping people out or making others behave the way we want them to – though we often think of them that way.

I think that boundaries are a fabulous support system for us. They help us honor our values and what’s really important to us, deep down in the core of our being.

Boundaries keep us in integrity with our values. Boundaries give us parameters within which stay in alignment with ourselves. Step outside your own boundaries and the world will quickly follow suit. And, in short order, you’ll find yourself resentful, frustrated and maybe even angry – at the other person! It’s true, we always throw blame in these situations on the other person.

Here’s the deal. NO ONE crosses a boundary without your permission. Before anyone crosses a boundary, you do it first. You may think it’s all about them, but it’s really all about you and if what you say is really as important as you say it is.

Recently I was listening to an Internet radio interview and the guest shared a fantastic method to move us past our anger or resentment by shifting the energetic dynamic around the other individual and replace it with the power of forgiveness.

I know, I was skeptical at first too! But as I listened I realized that this process was powerful because of its simplicity, all you have to do is forgive the other person and move on!


4 Step Forgiveness Process

  1. When you find yourself getting angry or resentful of someone STOP, step back from the situation and honestly evaluate where your anger is coming from. Chances are somewhere in the situation you’ve compromised yourself and your values.
  2. Once you’re clear on why you’re angry close your eyes. Slow down and ground your energy. One of the easiest ways to do this is through your breath. Breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. In, out, in and out. Once you feel yourself slip into a connected state of being envision your energy, just outside your body. Imagine what your highest self looks and feels like. With each inhalation and exhalation imagine your high-self as if it were someone you are talking to. Embrace calm.
  3. In your minds eye, picture the other person and imagine them fully. Once you have their image and energy in your minds eye have your high self speak to their high self and say, “ I forgive you for anything and everything I feel you’ve done to me. You are free and released. Before you go, please forgive me for anything and everything I’ve done to you.” Really feel the connection and release. Breathe into the release.
  4. Imagine your high-self turning back toward you at this stage and envision that you say to your high-self, “Please forgive me for anything and everything I’ve done that was not in my highest good and best interest.” Continue to breathe into the connection. At this stage you may feel a sense of relief and calm wash over you, or you may feel lighter, more complete.


As you forgive and release others you’ll find you fall back into alignment with your own value system and your boundaries are no longer crossed. Resentment and anger flow away from you as you embrace accountability and responsibility for your life – even when it’s not working as you’d like.


© 2012 Harmony Life ®, LLC by Laurie Bornstein

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